January/February

Mike's Really, Really Cool Gardening Stuff for 2006

It might have been yesterday when, huddled under a fluorescent kitchen light with a cup of instant decaf, staring vacantly out the window at the arborvitae that was split in two by Tuesday's ice storm, I began entertaining dark, dark thoughts about life without gardening. . . .

March/April

Diary of a Bad Gardener

Dear Diary,            Tuesday, January 3, 2006
I'm soooo excited that I can hardly breathe!! Spring is almost here!! I can feel it in my very, very cold toesies, even through my warm, fluffy raccoon foot duvets. (No, no, diary, I would never ever use raccoon fur to line my foot duvets. The duvets are decorated to look like raccoons, complete with tails. It's as if Davy Crockett got into the corn mash and started wearing his caps on his feet.) . . .

May/June

Not Available

July/August

Gardener's Guilt

I'm feeling guilty. Perhaps that's because my column was due last week and I've now written, let's see, 18 words. But I'm feeling guilty also because I'm a gardener. Many people mistakenly believe that guilt has to do with the kind of religion you practice—you know, Jewish guilt or Catholic guilt. (I read once that people who suffer from Buddhist guilt come back in the next life as dung beetles. I'll get back to you with that weblink as soon as I track it down.) . . .

September/October

Halftime

“Welcome back to our 2006 coverage, folks. I'm Bud Blast.”
“And I'm Hort Holler.”
“Well, Hort, we're about to enter the home stretch. Any thoughts?”
“Any thoughts? Hoo-boy, Bud! A bunch of petunias. Look at ‘em!”
“Petunias?”
“You betcha, Bud. Never seen a bigger bunch of petunias in my life!” . . .

November/December

If it weren't for the holiday season, we probably would have legislated the month of December out of existence long ago. It's not exactly a month that makes gardeners salivate–unless you're a poinsettia freak, which is even more cause for worry. . . .